Show Me Your Genitals

I had a rude awakening recently, well maybe not a "rude" awakening, but more or less a proud realization. That realization being:

I'm not a slut.

I no longer seek attention from guys to make myself feel better or attempt to boost my confidence. I'm okay with me. It is an amazing feeling. 

While messaging this guy, I gave him my number. He was cute, seemed nice.. that lasted all of 5 text messages before the perv in him came out.... 

Why would a guy really think it is okay to send some girl you've been messaging back and forth for all of an hour a picture of your penis?

"Hey I just messaged you and this is crazy, but here's a penis pic, do you like it maybe?"

Well, my answer is no. Penises aren't attractive. I don't cream in my undies upon seeing them. I'd much rather look at tits than a penis. They get the job done, doesn't mean I would order a cock calendar anytime soon!! 

I often wonder what a guy would think if I had immediately upon receiving that picture, sent him my address and fucked his brains out. Yeah, that would make me a slut. At this time in my life, I'm not looking for sex with stranger. I mean sex is awesome. I love that shit. However, I'm not giving it away to any decent looking guy that shows me his penis. I'd prefer someone I'm comfortable with, kind of makes it more enjoyable.

I believe even in my sluttier of days, I would never have messaged a guy for all of an hour and immediately drop my panties and let him put it in??!!?? Sorry kid. 

I don't understand why people can't just take me up on my Craigslist advice.. or even Adult Friend Finder.. they cater to people wanting casual sex. 

I'm not saying by any means that I am perfect. Alcohol, is unfortunately a hell of a drug. When given alcohol excessively, we all make mistakes. So I'm not saying a random one night stand is horrible, shit happens. But to prowl dating websites looking for sex is shady. 

It annoys the hell out of me that I am finally at the point in my life where I want a legitimate relationship, sex included and I have to jump through hoops to find someone on my wave length. With that being said, I've met some really, really nice guys that I didn't feel that "spark" with. I think there is something wrong with my brain, I'm attracted to the guys who just want to fuck and not attracted to the guys that want relationships. 

Oh well.. in the mean time it is cuddling my Pterodactyl pillow pet and Bob, my battery operated boyfriend. 

Say No!

Things I have learned this past weekend:

1.     I sometimes suck at life, when I’m drinking;

2.     Someone should most definitely hide my phone from me when I’m drinking;

3.     Don’t eat only soup all day and then drink, you get drunk far too fast;

4.     You can break the screen on your cordless house phone when you throw it out of drunken anger;

5.     Listen to Stacey;

6.     Woodchuck’s Amber beer is really good; and

7.     Bitches be trippin’ and by bitches, I mean me.

Epitome of drunk, I'm making a fucking duck face, really??

I really think you should not attempt to have any kind of serious conversation when under the influence of alcoholic beverages. Definitely SAY NO TO TEXTING. Just do it. Friends don’t let friends text when they are drunk. MARNI!!

It is never acceptable to just eat soup and drink. You will be drunk by your fifth beer and making obscene phone calls. Which could possibly lead to you throwing your house phone and cracking the screen.

Despite my never wanting to trust her judgment, Stacey-Bob is usually right. Bitch.

Woodchuck has a delightful variety of alcoholic beverages. I am now a big fan of the Amber beer. Tastes like heaven.

To conclude my weekend lessons learned, I don’t like not getting what I want when I am drinking. Therefore, bitches be trippin’. I mean, I’m not an “I am going to punch you in the face” kind of drunk. I am just bluntly honest which can come off kind of harsh.

So friends, take this to heart.

Be alive! See what you want! DO NOT lose your fascination! What you're fascinated with becomes fastened to you!

~ Rev Run.