I want to piss on you..

There have been a few occasions when I’ve been known to spring a leak while catching some Zzzz's in the middle of the night after consuming too much alcohol. They say liquor before beer and you’re in the clear, however that is not the case with me. I’d say it is more like, liquor plus beer and the piss is near.

I’ve been pissed on before by my spawn, but never by a guy. I now know how the few boys that have been so lucky as to receive my golden showers feel… WET.

Luckily for this fellow, I thought it was hilarious. It was karma’s way of paying me back ten fold. Now, I say ten fold only because my fucking mattress was SOAKED! Fo’ real. He really knew how to mark his territory. 

So this is how I received my first Golden Shower:

The roomie and I were out with some friends for karaoke. (As you well know, I fucking love drunk karaoke.) This guy had been trying to hang out with me for monthsssss. I always blew him off. Yeah, I’m a bitch. However, this evening, I decided to be nice and when he texted to see what I was up to, I invited him out to karaoke.

So, here I am meeting this guy for the first time. He’s cute, kind of quiet but nice. He sits down and joins in on our drinking adventure. At this point, I am HIGHLY intoxicated, as per the usual at this point in my life.  He has MAYBE 2-3 beers tops. I’m thinking he isn’t much of a drinker and is completely sober, which is cool with me. We all can't be Frank the tank. 

Now me, being highly intoxicated, decided that my V wanted the P, so I invited Mr. Piss Pants home with me. SLUT. Unfortunately, little did I know, he was drunk. He was drunk as a mother-fucking skunk. (That’s the Alabama in me, haha)

So we get in bed, the V meets the P and it was fun. Woo party in my pants!

Upon waking up the next morning and become aware of the fact that I am in a puddle. Of course, being the one who NORMALLY pisses the bed, my first thought is FUCK! Here we go again. So, I reach down and touch the crotch area of my underoos only to realize my undies are dry. Upon this realization, I’m thinking, Yes!! I didn’t do it, but ewwww he did. Hahahaha, Sucks for him.

He woke up and was completely embarrassed. I would’ve been too. At least when I piss the bed there is a very large amount of alcohol consumed for me to blame it on. This fucker only had 2-3 beers. Let's just say he will not be attending the Beer Olympics anytime soon. I thought it was quite strange that such little alcohol had this effect on Mr. Piss Pants. 

A few months down the line, I learned why he couldn’t handle his alcohol. You see, this guy was my Facebook friend, and a few months after this incident, I noticed a few, "Happy 21st Birthday" posts on his wall. WHAT?!?!  Now, not only did I get my first golden shower, I also am a cougar. Well, maybe not a cougar, perhaps a cheetah? Haha.

So this is how I graduated to a golden shower-receiving cheetah! Sounds pretty legit, right?

It’s not a party until someone gets pissed on. J