My birthday weekend had to be one of the most fun and most
fucked up weekends in my life. This is how that went down:
Night Numero Uno:
Friday night was Karaoke night, at least in the beginning it
was. It unbelievable was the more calm of both nights. I got super dressed up,
had some banging boobs, as seen below…
Marni, my favorite roommate ever and I go out, the beer
starts flowing, I do a birthday cake shots. Some guest appearances were made.
Things were off to a great start. I sign up to sing some songs… and this is how
that went:
This is how Marni’s song went: bahahaha. (payback for my
later posted video of my stripping attempts)
My best friend from back in Alabama had some friends that
were in town, so they made a guest appearance as well, they were awesome, this
is them:
So after I sang a few songs and had FARRRR too much to
drink, I decided I want to go dance. We load up into the car with the friends
from home, the roomie and myself and head down to the beach. At this point, I
am a HOT MESS! I don’t know how I managed to walk up stairs. We go to this
club, that everyone says they hate, but they really go to. It is full of young,
hot military boys. Which happens to be my expertise. However on this night, it
was Marni’s expertise, she got the birthday sex for me, cougared it up with a
25 year old. Bitch is a beast, she has some mad cougar skills. I aspire to be
like her at that age.
This is Marni and myself, before I was a hot mess:
So we go to this club, Marni disappears. I invite my friend
out to come rescue me in my drunkness, which is my usual line when I am ready
to leave. I have no clue where Marni is, I want to find a cab and go home. So I
find a cab, loveeddd my cab driver. Her name was Angelica. She was cute and
young.. and brought me to Taco Bell, I love my drunk taco bell eating. I don’t
remember much after getting home. Which was apparently a good thing. I woke up
the next morning in a pissy bed. I didn’t remember shit. I vaguely remembered
going to the club and vaguely remembered my friend meeting me out. Marni later
filled me in on exactly what happened. I awoke changed my pissy sheets and went
right back to bed. When I woke up… I looked like this:
Fail.
I decided that I had to invest in some depends if I was
going to survive this birthday weekend. My bed can only take so much pissing.
So I bought these bad boys:
Remainder of my night numero uno pics:
And now we move on…
Night Numero Dos:
After sleeping alllll day long, I finally get my lazy ass
out of bed and get prettied up for the night. I like to think I looked pretty
flipping hot. See below to agree: haha
So the roomie, our neighbor and myself go out to the club that
everyone hates, but goes to, again. $1.50 happy hour is the shiznit. So I am
double fisting drinks.. when I check my phone and get this creepy message from
Plenty of Booty:
Really?? Talk about awkward. Dude did buy me a beer from
across the bar and never said a word to me in person. We apparently only speak
via POB.
So after happy hour is over, we head to The Boxx, which I am
sure you’ve heard me mention in my first blog posting. Love that effing place.
$5 pitchers of Natty Light. Don’t judge me, I love my fucking Natty Light. So
we start the drinking, my friend, I like to call Idaho, who is from out of town
comes out. He is with a bunch of buddies from work. One particular is this
Mexican guy and it happens to be his birthday as well. Well what does a Mexican
love more than tequila?!?! Exactly, Corona. But seriously, I bought him a shot
of tequila for his big day. They leave and are planning to meet us at another
club in a bit. We continue the drinking escapades. I take my usual “Boxx
bathroom picture”, it is a must:
We head over to Lunasea, which is a pretty flipping awesome
place. There are two levels, indoor, outdoor, a club and a deck. It is pretty
effing legit. So we go and are having drinks in the club area. We are hanging
out by the dance floor when I am approached by some other girls, who said since
I was birthday girl, I had to join their friend who was a birthday girl on the
pole. I mean I was drunk, but not pole dancing drunk. However, I couldn’t say
no. So I join this lady on the pole.. and the roommate video taped the entire
thing. FAIL!
About the time that this video is being made, my friend
Idaho and his friends walk in. Really? Can this get much worse? I have made a
hot mess of an impression already. I am a fucking winner.
So we are all dancing and talking. I am having fun messing
with Idaho’s boss who is an old man with a handle bar mustache. They are
keeping us beered up. It was sooo fun.
Mexican birthday guy decides that we need to do birthday shots and drags
me to the bar where he buys tequila shots. If you know anything about me?!?! I
don’t do tequila, EVER!
So he hands me the shot, I am busy refusing. He takes his
and waits on me.. I distract him with a, “Hey, what’s that over there!?!” and
while he is turned away, I proceed to pour the shot over my shoulder. I will do
ANYTHING I can do avoid tequila. Fuck that shit.
So we are drinking and having fun and apparently there was
an emergency and my neighbor had to leave. Strange. So shortly thereafter, I
get a panicked call from my babysitter, so I rush down to a cab to head home.
Meanwhile the roomie is outside on the phone, I am a hot, drunk, mess yelling
at her to get into the cab and she won’t, so I left her.
Get home, things get settled, I put on my depends and slip
off into slumber land. Only to awake and realize, those shits leak. So my
review of this particular brand of depends is, they suck. Can’t hold my drunk
urine. Failures! They should make diapers strictly for drunk adults. Not old
people.
So upon waking up, I realize, “Hey, gotta get my car by
11am.” So I text my neighbor and ask her to bring me to get it. She agrees and
I wake up Marni to go pick it up. I am farrrr too hungover to stand up. She
goes and I get a phone call from her shortly after, my fucking car has been
towed!?!? Really?? I’ve only left my car there overnight with the pervy parking
lot attendant, who I am pretty sure hugs me just to touch my tits, a
millliiioonn times. Freak!
I might have been drunk here!
Here I was being a responsible bitch for once and the
shiznit gets towed?! FAIL! So I have to ask a coworker to bring me to get it… and I am out $135. I fucking suck. So while
this was one of the most fun weekends ever, it also sucked. Here I am stuck
being a broke ass bitch now. Here are the remainder of my drunk pics haha:
That concludes this years birthday escapades. In a way it
was far more calm than last year, I guess that’s what happens when you get old.
I might need a wheelchair for the big 2-7 next year.
These gals look pretty fucking hot!
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